Driving down to the valley on Friday I took a little known county road as a short cut that shaves a good 11 miles off my trip. As Ken napped and I sang along to The Shins, I drove around a pile of debris on the road that upon passing and glancing over at, I was convinced was a severed head inside a trash bag. It was the color of skin and covered entirely in blood–of that I was sure. Horrified that it might actually be a human body part, I turned the car around and drove back. Ken was awake now and ready to take pictures.
This is what we shot from inside the car because we were both too afraid to get out.
As we drove away and looked at the pictures, I wasn’t entirely satisfied with the composition or the detail so I turned around because I wanted a closer look of what I was now convinced was the chupacabra.
Think about it:
1. We’re in Texas.
2. We’re no more than 20 miles from the Mexican border.
3. We were probably delirious from a long road trip.
It was El Chupacabra. Or La Chupacabra depending on it’s sex, I guess.
The fact that who ever had the chupacabra probably wouldn’t have wrapped it in a trashbag and dumped on the road did little to sway us of this belief.
We drove back to get better pictures.
I wanted to get out of the car and get a closer look.
When we got closer I stopped to give the car coming in the opposite direction some room to go around the clearly large object that was blocking the right side of the road. Except she didn’t go around it at all, she instead either wasn’t paying attention or thought her car was going to clear it.
It didn’t.
She dragged it underneath her car about fifty feet and when she drove past us–she had one hand up to her mouth covering what I’m sure was a scream.
I did not have my camera ready to shoot this and I really wish I had. Because it was funny.
The good news is since she dragged it to another location, she left it in a different position for us to examine it better. The bad news is that if we wanted to get any closer to it, we would need a hazmat suit.
It smelled AWFUL.
Not that we turned around and hightailed it out of there or anything, we just tried to breathe less.
Then we shot this.
Then we were really confused.
Was it a dog or was it a pig? Why was it wrapped in a bag and dumped on the road instead of on the side of the road or better yet in a lab somewhere? Was it really a chupacabra? Where was live at five when you needed them? Why were we parked in the middle of the road discussing decaying road kill?
It looks like a pig, but it doesn’t have the tail of one. It has paws like a dog, but the jaw and the teeth don’t really match any canine I’m aware of it. It has the tail of a possum, but is too big to be one.
What the fuck is this thing, really? An R.O.U.S?
The next day we went back to see if it had gotten up and walked away during the night. Lucky for us it hadn’t, but unlucky for anyone who lived within a 2 mile radius of this thing because the smell–it had gotten worse. Well at the very least, it had gotten up and moved itself to the side of the road because I can not imagine that someone had taken the time to push it to the side of the road, but had not cleaned it up.
1. It has a slit on it’s back that appears to have cotton spilling out of it.
2. It wasn’t hairless to begin with, maybe, but it is possibly shaved down now.
3. It’s head is squished to near oblivion.
4. It has teets–it is definitely a la chupacabra.
5. I am probably looking at decaying road kill.
Who knows, but at the very least I remembered how witchcraft is highly practiced in the valley and this experience made for great conversation sitting around on the porch at night on rocking chairs telling ghost stories as Mexicans love to do.
On a related note–4 days later when we came home, we drove past it again and found it to be entirely cooked under the sun and the skin now resembled a football.
Also, it smelled like bacon.
Also not really.
Also I have closer pictures with more detail. If you are gross enough and a freak enough to want to look at them, I can certainly email you copies. Sicko.
