It’s not a class I need for the degree, it’s just a class that.. OK frankly, a class I picked at random, but I think will turn out to be very interesting.  Until the first day of class began, I thought I’d signed up for Abnormal Psychology, but turns out I’ve actually signed up for Cultural Psychology. We’ll study how different cultures affect human behavior and emotion and .. something like that.

The first day of class was kind of a blur.  I just got back from being in Texas for two weeks the day before and my ears were blown out from flying with a head cold.  I sniffled the entire class and during the break only went to blow my nose in the bathroom and didn’t think to bring tissue back with me. I do remember this: The Professor is insane. When I say this to people, the reaction is kind of like, “well most people who study psychology usually are,” but no, she’s really insane.  She throws candy at you for class participation. I don’t like this. First of all, I’m not some lab rat that you can program for good behavior lady–I see what you’re doing there and second of all - I’m a terrible catch.

Aside from candy on a trajectory to your face you get points as well for class participation. Her entire grading system centers around class participation and anytime anyone so much as opens their mouth she hurries to her desk to scribble what I assume are points of praise by their name. Luckily you don’t have to talk IN class all the time to get those points. You can also email her anytime during the week, like if you read an article that reminded you of a discussion in class. Or a poem. Or a YouTube clip! I find this the most exciting, because I can spam email her random YouTube clips that somehow relate to the critical interpretation of Jung’s theory of synchronicity.

Not because I have a problem speaking in class, I just don’t want a piece of candy taking my eye out.

The other distracting thing about the candy flinging is, honestly, no one in the class is a good catch. Students spent more time crawling around the floor retrieving their candy than anything else. It was distracting.

She also had us get in groups and compete to answer questions about the syllabus–in essence to go OVER the syllabus. She’d ask a question and our entire team had to find the answer together and raise our hands. It was a lot of jumping around and shouting and I don’t know about you, but I’m old fashioned wherein I like to just read things in order, quietly.. and with less lion tamers and bears rolling around on big brightly colored balls.

I hope this isn’t how the entire semester is going to be.

Speaking of how an entire semester might go, my Biology class has 4 students. Actually, I just checked the online roster and now we have 5. Only 3 of us showed up to the first day of class, though, and I only reluctantly showed up because I was still sick and only wanted to get the syllabus then jet after the break.  Having 3 students in the made it impossible to do that without standing out, though. Instead I stood out because I was the only student in class that had trouble keeping my bodily fluids secured firmly inside my nostrils.

The professor assures us that the class will not get cancelled and I’m just not sure how I feel about this. On the one hand, a small intimate group will certainly lend itself to being more closely nurtured by the teacher and the time and day of the class certainly works for me, but on the other hand — if he grades on a curve, he’s not going to care that the other 3 students got an answer on a test right and I didn’t.  I somehow have to make sure I make an A in this class, because I will not stand out as the stupid student in the class.

I just won’t.

I can’t.

I said “sometimes I feel like my crotch smells like a Chipotle Burrito.” Ken stared at me blankly and I continued, “and it sometimes makes me crave it.”

Then I told him that I had never told that to anybody and that I had often considered putting it on a post card and sending it to PostSecret.com because surely there was somebody out there who had a crotch that smelled like a Chipotle burrito, or even a Taco Bell one, and I needed to know.  At first Ken assured me that this secret was one of those that you certainly kept to yourself, but the creative director in him couldn’t help but get involved when I ignored him and explained to him the vision I had for how the card would turn out if I decided to send it in.

So we got to work.

First stop, where else–Chipotle Burrito.

I took a picture of my burrito with my little Sony camera and couldn’t stop giggling. Then Ken interrupted, “wait, I got a really great idea.” Then he made a few adjustments to the appearance of the burrito and I laughed out loud while taking the shot.

Then we went home and I tweeted about it with a vague reference to a secret project we were working on together, never really knowing if anyone who read the tweet would ever be privy to this secret. And of course, nobody ever asked.

So we made the card, sent it in to PostSecret, and waited.

Nothing.
Nothing.
And more nothing.

I hadn’t thought about this at all until the conversation with Berna last night and I thought, you know–fuck Frank, I’LL show the world my secret because I am not ashamed.  Well, mostly because a few of you stopped by to comment that random parts of your body also sometimes smelled funky, so yeah. Without further ado…

The result:

Which to this date has never been published and I can not imagine why.

** Concept: my idea

**Burrito opened to reveal a guacamole labia: totally Ken’s BRILLIANT IDEA.

]]> http://myfuckingeye.com/?feed=rss2&p=1347 http://myfuckingeye.com/?p=1334 http://myfuckingeye.com/?p=1334#comments Wed, 07 Apr 2010 05:33:59 +0000 myfuckingeye http://myfuckingeye.com/?p=1334 Me: I just burped corn.
I ate corn almost 48 hours ago.

Berna: Lol
Sometimes my pee smells like fritos and I hardly ever eat fritos

Me: my crotch sometimes smells like chipotle burritos.
which incidentally is where I had the corn from yesterday.

Berna: Lol

Me: its really odd.
because then it makes me crave chipotle.
then im like UGH what the fuck is wrong with me.

Berna: Lol

Me: my nose is fucked up so I cant smell anything or I smell things that dont exist.
because ken can confirm that my crotch does not smell like chipotle burritos.

Berna: That happens to me too!
Lol

Me: and after a workout I could swear that my armpits smell like big macs
and I know you sweat out smells of the food you eat
but i do not eat mcdonald big macs.

Berna: Lol

Me: and my feet smell like doritos
that might be true though
when we were little tina and i said doritos were named after dirty toes.

Berna: lol

Me: ken said a weird thing to me today.
he was like when are you going to start blogging again?

Berna: Why is that weird

Me: said he wanted me to start blogging again.
so I told him I would tonight.
and I think the conversation we just had qualifies as a blog entry.
but the people will know your pee smells like fritos.

Berna: well just make sure u say that sometimes it does
Cause it doesn’t always

Me: duly noted.

twentyten from myfuckingeye on Vimeo.

Usually the answer is a resounding no.

Then today while recalling a really funny episode of The Big Bang Theory, where Howard is teaching Sheldon to speak Chinese — I reenacted the scene using my own Chinese words.  And I spoke real Chinese. I SPOKE CHINESE, albeit unintentional, but I spoke fucking Chinese!

My sentence: 4 dead is.

So I’m trilingual and a philosopher .

Awesome.

Ken said, I imagine the same place where we bought the fan–home depot was it?

Always the rational one, whatever.

He climbed off the bed and said, hey Esthela, what do you think of this?

This being him holding the light bulb up to his nose like a nose ring. I laughed.

I said, thats funny, but what do you think of this? I took it from him and held it up to the corner of my eyebrow. He laughed.

He said, I guess thats pretty funny, but what do you think of this? He held it up to his crotch. I laughed.

I said, that is pretty hilarious, but what do you think of this? I held it up to my one of my nipples. He laughed.

He said, that is pretty funny, but what do you think of this? Then he picked Lily up, turned her over and attached it to one of her many nipples.

AND I FUCKING LAUGHED!

This isn’t enough for her, so I’ll update now that something insulting has happened.

1 Tip of a flat belly : - Fatburningfurnace.com - Cut down 3 lbs of your belly every week by keeping this 1 weird tip.

That is what an advertisement on the side of an email read within gmail.

In an email that included a picture of me.

Rude.

Ken: Uh, right. Actually I just needed some of that stuff for my trip this weekend.

Me: Oh. Figures.

Ken: Well, I DID do some of your laundry too.

Me: Because you needed a big enough load to run the wash?

Ken: Nooo.. Because I was being nice!

—

Cut to today:  I am selflessly doing laundry for both of us because it needs to be done–when I go to put the stuff I just washed into the dryer what do I find? All my clothes that were innocent bystanders of Ken’s selfish act where he only used my clothes to fill up the load, but left them there hung out to dry.  Minus the hanging part.

Boys.